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I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one. — George Bernard Shaw

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If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you. ― George Bernard Shaw
A poem (surely someone has said this before) is a one-night stand, a short story a love affair, and a novel a marriage.
God speaks to each of us as he makes us, then walks with us silently out of the night. These are the words we dimly hear: You, sent out beyond your recall, go to the limits of your longing. Embody me. Flare up like a flame and make big shadows I can move in. Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final. Don't let yourself lose me. Nearby is the country they call life. You will know it by its seriousness. Give me your hand.
There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night.
Behind the veil of each night, there is a smilling dawn.
Lies crushed day and night become truths.
Let me have men about me that are fat, Sleek-headed-men, and such as sleep o'nights; Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look; he thinks too much; such men are dangerous.
Everyone that you fight is not your enemy and everyone who helps you is not your friend. ― Mike Tyson
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. ― George Bernard Shaw
Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't! ― George Bernard Shaw