Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.- Mitch Hedberg

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People say there are no atheists in foxholes. A lot of people think this is a good argument against atheism. Personally, I think it's a much better argument against foxholes.

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You must learn to take a step back and visualize the whole piece. If you focus only on the thread given to you, you lose sight of what it can become. ― Colleen Houck

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A smile is the best makeup a girl could wear ― Marilyn monroe

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Value yourself. The only people who appreciate a doormat are people with dirty shoes.

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If we all said to people's faces what we say behind one another's backs, society would be impossible.

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If you want to find what God put you here to do, ask yourself three questions. First question: What comes easy to you but harder to other people? The second question is: What would you do for years and never have to get paid for it? Third, ask yourself: How can you be of service?

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Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet. Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.

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If Christianity is valid, why is there so much evil in the world?" To this the famous preacher replied, "With so much soap, why are there so many dirty people in the world? Christianity, like soap, must be personally applied if it is to make a difference in our lives.

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People always clap for the wrong reasons.

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