I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.

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The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.

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I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.

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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.

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Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

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Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.

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Christianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.

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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.

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If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.

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Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.

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