#Quote
More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.
If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.