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More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.
Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.
Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
