#Quote
More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.
Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.
Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
Christianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.
If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
