More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.
Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.
My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.
I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.
It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.
