Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.

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Christianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.

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It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.

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I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.

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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.

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I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.

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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.

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Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

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I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.

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The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.

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