More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.
This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.
Christianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.
Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.
Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
