More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.
Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.
Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
