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More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.
Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.
If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.
