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More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.
If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.
This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.
Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
