I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.

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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.

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Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.

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I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.

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The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.

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If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.

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Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

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Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

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An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

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This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

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