#Quote
More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.
Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.
Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.
There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.
Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you. You know what I mean? I’ve always liked that phrase “He was visited by grief,” because that’s really what it is. Grief is its own thing. It’s not like it’s in me and I’m going to deal with it. It’s a thing, and you have to be okay with its presence. If you try to ignore it, it will be like a wolf at your door.
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
