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More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
Christianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.
This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.
It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.
