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More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Christianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.
Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
