#Quote
More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.
