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More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you. You know what I mean? I’ve always liked that phrase “He was visited by grief,” because that’s really what it is. Grief is its own thing. It’s not like it’s in me and I’m going to deal with it. It’s a thing, and you have to be okay with its presence. If you try to ignore it, it will be like a wolf at your door.
It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.
Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.
Christianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.
There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.
If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.
Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
