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More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.
Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.
Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
