#Quote
More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.
Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
