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More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
Christianity is the best way to cure gayness — just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.
It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.
I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.
