#Quote
More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
Give a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
