More Quotes by Stephen Colbert
Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.
Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.
There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.
This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.
I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
