To be a woman is a great adventure; To drive men mad is a heroic thing.

---

When you're too mad and too rattled to see straight, you're bound to make mistakes. You can't go on and on for years being miserable about a situation and not have it change you. You get so you can't stand yourself.

---

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.- Mitch Hedberg

---

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.- Mitch Hedberg

---

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!- Mitch Hedberg

---

The aim of psychoanalysis is to relieve people of their neurotic unhappiness so that they can be normally unhappy.

---

Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do. — Oprah Winfrey

---

Don’t think anything is unrealistic if you believe you can do it. — Mike Ditka

---

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.- Mitch Hedberg

---

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.- Mitch Hedberg

---