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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.- Mitch Hedberg
Following
Them
Later
Mitch Hedberg
I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.- Mitch Hedberg
Because
Always
Mitch Hedberg
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!- Mitch Hedberg
Kid
Read
Mitch Hedberg
I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.- Mitch Hedberg
People
Unless
Mitch Hedberg
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me. -Mitch Hedberg
Literal
Forks
Saw
Mitch Hedberg
I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.- Mitch Hedberg
Machine
Glass
Late
Mitch Hedberg
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.- Mitch Hedberg
Fishing
Catch
Late
Mitch Hedberg
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down. -Mitch Hedberg
Turtleneck
Weak
Midget
Mitch Hedberg
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.- Mitch Hedberg
Picketing
Show
Mitch Hedberg
Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.- Mitch Hedberg
Night
People
Those
Mitch Hedberg
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.-Mitch Hedberg
Because
Ten
Slept
-Mitch Hedberg
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.- Mitch Hedberg
Great Things
Thousand
Mitch Hedberg
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.- Mitch Hedberg
Pretend
Because
Died
Mitch Hedberg
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg
Just
Hook
Mitch Hedberg
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.- Mitch Hedberg
Do
Mad
Mitch Hedberg
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.- Mitch Hedberg
One
Candle
Store
Mitch Hedberg