I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.- Mitch Hedberg

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Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.

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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.- Mitch Hedberg

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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.- Mitch Hedberg

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I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.- Mitch Hedberg

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It is our choices... that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. — J. K. Rowling

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It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace. ― Chuck Palahniuk

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I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me. -Mitch Hedberg

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Your worth consists in what you are, and not in what you have. What you are will show in what you do. — Thomas Davidson

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I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.- Mitch Hedberg

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