More Quotes
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.- Mitch Hedberg
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!- Mitch Hedberg
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down. -Mitch Hedberg
Show me a hero, and I'll write you a tragedy.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. -Mitch Hedberg
Peter Parker is sort of our ground-level view of this Marvel universe. You know what it's like to be in the penthouse with Tony Stark or have this god-like view like Thor, and I want to show what it's like for regular people in this world. - Jon Watts
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.- Mitch Hedberg
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.- Mitch Hedberg
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.- Mitch Hedberg
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.- Mitch Hedberg
