I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.- Mitch Hedberg

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Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down. -Mitch Hedberg

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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg

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I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.- Mitch Hedberg

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I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.- Mitch Hedberg

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The more you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go. ― Dr. Seuss

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Honestly, I'm not going to lie. I was a good kid. - Megan Thee Stallion

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Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.- Mitch Hedberg

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I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.- Mitch Hedberg

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I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.- Mitch Hedberg

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