I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. -Mitch Hedberg

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It's easy to fall in love. The hard part is finding someone to catch you. ― Bertrand Russell

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How did it get so late so soon? ― Dr. Seuss

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There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. ― Steven Wright

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I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.- Mitch Hedberg

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Your passion is waiting for your courage to catch up. — Isabelle Lafleche

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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.- Mitch Hedberg

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Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.- Mitch Hedberg

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There is no such thing as 'too late' in life.

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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.- Mitch Hedberg

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