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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg
Our opponents maintain that we are confronted with insurmountable political obstacles, but that may be said of the smallest obstacle if one has no desire to surmount it. - Theodor Herzl
Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.- Mitch Hedberg
No one has ever become poor by giving.” — Anne Frank
Peter Dinklage is one of my oldest friends from New York! - Sam Trammell
I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.- Mitch Hedberg
I built a great company, one of the - some of the most iconic assets in the world, $10 billion of net worth, more than $10 billion of net worth, and frankly, I had a great time doing it. -Donald Trump
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.- Mitch Hedberg
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. — Buddha
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.- Mitch Hedberg