There's no Peter York Foundation, and you're no one without one. - Peter York

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Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down. -Mitch Hedberg

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I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.- Mitch Hedberg

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Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one. -Dr. Seuss

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I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me. -Mitch Hedberg

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The more one is hated, I find, the happier one is.

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Being a candle is difficult because one must first burn in order to emit light. ― Shree Shambav

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Nirvana is not the blowing out of the candle. It is the extinguishing of the flame because day is come.

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Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!- Mitch Hedberg

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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.- Mitch Hedberg

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