I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.- Mitch Hedberg

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There's no Peter York Foundation, and you're no one without one. - Peter York

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Look at how a single candle can both defy and define the darkness. ― Anne Frank

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Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.- Mitch Hedberg

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Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one. -Dr. Seuss

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Being a candle is difficult because one must first burn in order to emit light. ― Shree Shambav

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To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world. ― Bill Wilson

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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg

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I built a great company, one of the - some of the most iconic assets in the world, $10 billion of net worth, more than $10 billion of net worth, and frankly, I had a great time doing it. -Donald Trump

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I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.- Mitch Hedberg

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