I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. -Mitch Hedberg

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I did NOT have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty. ― Imelda Marcos

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You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.- Mitch Hedberg

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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg

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Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again , come , come. ― Rumi

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Ten thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck! ― Aladdin

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Harry consists of a hundred or a thousand selves, not of two.

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A well-sketched picture is worth a thousand words.

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A lot of people feel very good about Mitt Romney and I think he's going to do a great job.- Donald Trump

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I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.- Mitch Hedberg

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