A lot of people feel very good about Mitt Romney and I think he's going to do a great job.- Donald Trump

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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.- Mitch Hedberg

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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg

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The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn. ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

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You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.- Mitch Hedberg

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Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down. -Mitch Hedberg

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I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me. -Mitch Hedberg

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Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!- Mitch Hedberg

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A well-sketched picture is worth a thousand words.

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I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.- Mitch Hedberg

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