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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. — George Carlin

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Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and future. – Gail Lumet Buckley
To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there. — Barbara Bush
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. - George Carlin
The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended. — Robert Frost
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. - George Carlin
The most important thing in an argument, next to being right, is to leave an escape hatch for your opponent, so that he can gracefully swing over to your side without too much apparent loss of face.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. - George Carlin
A happy family is but an earlier heaven. - George Bernard Shaw
Being a family means you are a part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life. – Lisa Weed