One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

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'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. - George Carlin

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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. - George Carlin

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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. George Carlin

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I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin

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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin

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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. - George Carlin

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