'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. - George Carlin

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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. - George Carlin

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The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. — Thomas Edison

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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. - George Carlin

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For me, becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end. — Michelle Obama

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There is only one certainty in life and that is that nothing is certain. — G.K. Chesterton

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You will evolve past certain people. Let yourself. ― Mandy Hale

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There is a certain part of all of us that lives outside of time. Perhaps we become aware of our age only at exceptional moments and most of the time we are ageless.

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