I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin

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It was completely fruitless to quarrel with the world, whereas the quarrel with oneself was occasionally fruitful and always, she had to admit, interesting. _ Soren Kierkegaard

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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day? - George Carlin

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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. - George Carlin

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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. - George Carlin

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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. - George Carlin

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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. - George Carlin

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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. George Carlin

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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. — George Carlin

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