People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. - George Carlin

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I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin

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Soldiers live. He dies and not you, and you feel guilty, because you're glad he died, and not you. Soldiers live, and wonder why. ― Glen Cook

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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. - George Carlin

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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. - George Carlin

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Lynda Carter played Wonder Woman and was one of the first female superheroes. It gives me more of an encouragement that we can be strong and can do whatever a guy can do — Thuy Trang

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I would see the end of physics as we know it, but now I think the wonder of discovery will continue long after I am gone. We are close to some of these answers, but we are not there yet.

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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. - George Carlin

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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. George Carlin

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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. - George Carlin

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