'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

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A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future. - Denis Waitley

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One of my mother’s favorite sayings was “Don’t let anybody tell you who you are. You tell them who you are. ― Kamala Harris

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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. - George Carlin

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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. - George Carlin

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I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin

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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

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I don’t trust anybody. Not anybody. And the more that I care about someone, the more sure I am they’re going to get tired of me and take off. ― Rainbow Rowell

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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. - George Carlin

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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. - George Carlin

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