If you've got love for me, then I'm gonna have love for you, period. -Megan Thee Stallion

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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. George Carlin

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'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. - George Carlin

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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. - George Carlin

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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. - George Carlin

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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. - George Carlin

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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. — George Carlin

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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. - George Carlin

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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. - George Carlin

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