Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. - George Carlin

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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. - George Carlin

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Soon, when all is well, you're going to look back on this period of your life and be so glad that you never gave up.— Brittany Burgunder

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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

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I think Ronald Reagan was one of the great presidents, period, not just recently. I thought he had the demeanor. I thought he had the bearing. I thought he had the thought process.- Donald Trump

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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. George Carlin

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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin

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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin

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