One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. - George Carlin

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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. - George Carlin

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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. - George Carlin

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I have drunken deep of joy And I will taste no other wine tonight.― Percy Bysshe Shelley

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'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. George Carlin

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I've heard that, but since I'm computer illiterate I don't know how it all works. But since I'm on Prodigy tonight, I'm learning a lot through my typist, Peter. - Bobby Sherman

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