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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
Even paranoids have real enemies. - Golda Meir
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
You know you're living right when you wake up, brush your hair - and confetti falls out!
There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
Beer may cause you to digress - and lead a happier life.
