A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

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I hope they have ghost insurance.” “Pretty sure you've used that joke before,” Stacey told me. “Well, maybe Jacob hadn't heard it yet.” “I have,” Jacob said. ― J.L. Bryan

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Beer ... a high and mighty liquor.

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Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

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From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere! ― Dr. Seuss

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A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest

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It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. _ Henny Youngman

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We economists don't know much, but we do know how to create a shortage. If you want to create a shortage of tomatoes, for example, just pass a law that retailers can't sell tomatoes for more than two cents per pound. Instantly you'll have a tomato shortage. It's the same with oil or gas.

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