If America ever passes out as a great nation, we ought to put on our tombstone: America died from a delusion she had Moral Leadership.

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I remember when being liberal meant being generous with your own money.

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The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

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I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.

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America has the best politicians money can buy.

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Democrats are the only reason to vote for Republicans

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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

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Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

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After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf."

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