I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

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Democrats are the only reason to vote for Republicans

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I would love to see Mr. (Henry) Ford in there, really. I don't know who started the idea that a President must be a Politician instead of a Business man. A Politician can't run any other kind of business. So there is no reason why he can run the U.S. That's the biggest single business in the World.

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America has the best politicians money can buy.

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We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.

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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

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Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

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I remember when being liberal meant being generous with your own money.

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Last year we said, 'Things can't go on like this', and they didn't, they got worse.

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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf."

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