If America ever passes out as a great nation, we ought to put on our tombstone: America died from a delusion she had Moral Leadership.

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I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

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Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf."

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America has the best politicians money can buy.

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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

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Ignorance lies not in the things you don't know, but in the things you know that ain't so.

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The man who never makes a mistake must get tired of doing nothing.

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Democrats are the only reason to vote for Republicans

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We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.

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