When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

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After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

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Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

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I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.

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The man who never makes a mistake must get tired of doing nothing.

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We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.

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There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.

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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

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America has the best politicians money can buy.

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Democrats are the only reason to vote for Republicans

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