America has the best politicians money can buy.

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Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

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I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

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The problem in America isn't so much what people don't know; the problem is what people think they know that just ain't so.

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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

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Democrats are the only reason to vote for Republicans

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I remember when being liberal meant being generous with your own money.

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We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.

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The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back

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Last year we said, 'Things can't go on like this', and they didn't, they got worse.

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