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People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
― Isaac Asimov
Funny
Hilarious
Sarcastic
Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?
― Ellen DeGeneres
Hilarious
Gay
Judging
Ellen DeGeneres
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
― Albert Einstein
Funny
Hilarious
Education
Albert Einstein
Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.
― Mark Twain
Mark Twain
Hilarious
Tree
Opponents
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
― Mark Twain
Mark Twain
Funny
Hilarious
Witty
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.
― William S. Burroughs
Funny
Hilarious
Witty
William S. Burroughs
I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone.
― Lord Byron
Hilarious
BeingAlone
AppetiteForLife
Lord Byron
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
― Will Rogers
Funny
Death
Hilarious
Will Rogers
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
― Will Rogers
Funny
Hilarious
Sarcastic
Will Rogers
The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.
― Voltaire
Voltaire
Funny
Hilarious
Silly
Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.
― Tina Fey
Tina Fey
Hilarious
HardWork
Delusion
If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”
― Tina Fey
Tina Fey
Inspirational
Inspiring
Hilarious
Men have only two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
― Adi Da
Hilarious
Men
Two
Adi Da