This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in ten thousand pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over fourteen thousand dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him.

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Just say yes and you'll figure it out afterwards.

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Life is improvisation.

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If you ever start to feel good about yourself... .... they have this thing called the internet.

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There are no mistakes only opportunities.

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You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

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Do your thing and don't care if they like it.

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Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

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Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue.

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A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.

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