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If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must first break your mirror.
― François Rabelais
Humor
Humility
Mirrors
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.
― Oscar Wilde
Funny
Humor
Men
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. - Terry Pratchett
Inspirational
Spiritual
Humor
People
Life Quotes
Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches. - Tallulah Bankhead
Funny
Humor
Scratches
Empty
Life Quotes
The tongue is the only instrument that gets sharper with use.
― Washington Irving
Funny
Communication
Humor
Washington Irving
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
― Mark Twain
Mark Twain
Inspirational
Funny
Humor
Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives.
― Kurt Cobain
Funny
Humor
Alcohol
Kurt Cobain
I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.
― Ogden Nash
Ogden Nash
Funny
Humor
Men
In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one class of citizens to give to another.
― Voltaire
Voltaire
Money
Art
Humor
You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.
― Tina Fey
Tina Fey
Witty
Smart
Humor
You go through big chunks of time where you're just thinking, 'this is impossible - oh,this is impossible'. And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.
― Tina Fey
Tina Fey
Inspiring
Humor
Parenting
This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in ten thousand pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over fourteen thousand dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him.
― Tina Fey
Tina Fey
Funny
Humor
Years
How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
― Abraham Lincoln
Dog
Honesty
Humor
Abraham Lincoln
The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities.
― Ayn Rand
Philosophy
Humor
Rights
Ayn Rand
Old is always fifteen years from now.
― Bill Cosby
Funny
Birthday
Humor
Bill Cosby
My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, “You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you.
― Bill Cosby
Funny
Father
Humor
Bill Cosby
Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.
― Bill Cosby
Funny
Humor
Civilization
Bill Cosby
The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.
― Bill Cosby
Funny
Humor
Law
Bill Cosby
Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
― Bill Cosby
Funny
Children
Humor
Bill Cosby
I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
― Bill Cosby
Funny
Humor
Race
Bill Cosby
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