Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

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Gray hair is God's graffiti.

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Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives.

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You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

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I will not move my army without onions.

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You go through big chunks of time where you're just thinking, 'this is impossible - oh,this is impossible'. And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.

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So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being.- Franz Kafka

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If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

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Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

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Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch. ― Orson Welles

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