A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.

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There are no mistakes only opportunities.

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Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

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You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

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Do your thing and don't care if they like it.

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Don't waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions... Do your thing and don't care if they like it.

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Life is improvisation.

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To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.

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Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.

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You've got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it.

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