A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.

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You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

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Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.

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If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”

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Whatever the problem - be part of the solution

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Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that push-up last year for nothing!

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You've got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it.

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Just say yes and you'll figure it out afterwards.

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To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.

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Life is improvisation.

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