We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.

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After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

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Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

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I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.

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The problem in America isn't so much what people don't know; the problem is what people think they know that just ain't so.

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I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

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Democrats are the only reason to vote for Republicans

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Ignorance lies not in the things you don't know, but in the things you know that ain't so.

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The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back

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I would love to see Mr. (Henry) Ford in there, really. I don't know who started the idea that a President must be a Politician instead of a Business man. A Politician can't run any other kind of business. So there is no reason why he can run the U.S. That's the biggest single business in the World.

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