The news of my death is greatly exaggerated. ― W.C. Fields

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I'd rather hang out with five people that I love than with 400 strangers at a club who are all doing the up-and-down inspection thing. They appraise everybody from head to toe - the outfit, the handbag, the shoes, how much they weigh... I can't stand it! ― Sophia Bush

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Drowned in a vat of whiskey... Oh Death, where is thy sting? ― W.C. Fields

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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother. ― W.C. Fields

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Never give a sucker an even break. ― W.C. Fields

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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night ― W.C. Fields

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If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? ― Steven Wright

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I'd rather regret the risk that didn't work out than the chances I didn't take at all. ― Simone Biles

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Here lies W.C.Fields. I'd rather be living in Philadelphia. ― W.C. Fields

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. ― W.C. Fields

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