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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Amnesia
Time
Forgotten
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Succeed
Skydiving
Definitely
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Hospital
Speed
Accident
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Walking
Distance
Time
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Succeed
Evidence
Tried
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny. ― steven wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Penny
Someone
Making
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Everything
Coming
Your
The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Best
Word
Feeling
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Fine
Fishing
Shore
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Restaurant
Breakfast
Renaissance
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Depression
Enthusiasm
Merely
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Person
Personalities
Considered
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Book
Numbers
Done
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
School
Practice
Perfect
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Kill
Nobel
Prize
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong? ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Man
Woods
Women
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Happens
Back
Drop
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Dictionary
Poem
Everything
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Monday
Spend
Life
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film. ― Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
Everyone
Photographic
Film