If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? ― Steven Wright

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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room. ― Steven Wright

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I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. ― Steven Wright

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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny. ― steven wright

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The greatest tragedy in life is to spend your whole life fishing only to discover it was never fish that you were after. ― Henry David Thoreau

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You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.- Mitch Hedberg

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There's magic in the water that draws all men away form the land, that leads them over hills, down creeks and streams and rivers to the sea.

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I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. ― Steven Wright

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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong? ― Steven Wright

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I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. ― Steven Wright

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