I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. ― Steven Wright

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The greatest tragedy in life is to spend your whole life fishing only to discover it was never fish that you were after. ― Henry David Thoreau

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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film. ― Steven Wright

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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. ― Steven Wright

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If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you. ― Steven Wright

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I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. ― Steven Wright

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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong? ― Steven Wright

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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? ― Steven Wright

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There's magic in the water that draws all men away form the land, that leads them over hills, down creeks and streams and rivers to the sea.

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I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. ― Steven Wright

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