Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. ― Steven Wright

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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room. ― Steven Wright

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I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. ― Steven Wright

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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film. ― Steven Wright

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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? ― Steven Wright

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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. ― Steven Wright

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Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. ― Steven Wright

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If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you. ― Steven Wright

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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. ― Steven Wright

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The greatest tragedy in life is to spend your whole life fishing only to discover it was never fish that you were after. ― Henry David Thoreau

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