I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. ― Steven Wright

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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had. ― Steven Wright

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Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. ― Steven Wright

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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. ― Steven Wright

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There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. ― Steven Wright

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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny. ― steven wright

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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong? ― Steven Wright

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Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It's a grain. It's like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem. ― James Patterson

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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film. ― Steven Wright

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If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? ― Steven Wright

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