There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. ― Steven Wright

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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had. ― Steven Wright

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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. ― Steven Wright

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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. ― Steven Wright

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The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. — George Carlin

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I was born in 1937, in Yakima, Washington, the oldest child of Robert Emerson Lucas and Jane Templeton Lucas. My sister Jenepher was born in 1939 and my brother Peter in 1940. My parents had moved to Yakima from Seattle to open a small restaurant, The Lucas Ice Creamery. - Robert Lucas, Jr.

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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room. ― Steven Wright

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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film. ― Steven Wright

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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. ― Steven Wright

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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? ― Steven Wright

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