If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you. ― Steven Wright

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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. ― Steven Wright

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The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had. ― Steven Wright

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Life's single lesson: that there is more accident to it than a man can ever admit to in a lifetime and stay sane.

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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. ― Steven Wright

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Speed is irrelevant if you are going in the wrong direction.

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If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? ― Steven Wright

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I don’t think there’s an option for me to fall in love slowly, or at medium speed. I either do or I don’t.

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I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. ― Steven Wright

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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film. ― Steven Wright

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