I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

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Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

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There is a time for many words, and there is also a time for sleep. _ Homer

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For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.

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Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!

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The Celts were fearless warriors because they wish to inculcate this as one of their leading tenets, that souls do not become extinct, but pass after death from one body to another.

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If each day falls inside each night, there exists a well where clarity is imprisoned. We need to sit on the rim of the well of darkness and fish for fallen light with patience.

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I have lived long enough both in years and in accomplishments.

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I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'" Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on! ― Rick Riordan

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I would rather be the first man in a barbarian village than the second man in Rome.

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