Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

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The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble.

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After creating the heaven, the earth, the ocean, and the entire animal kingdom, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was "Don't.

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Old is always fifteen years from now.

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If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

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You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.

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I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can.

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There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

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I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

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I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

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