I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

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Gray hair is God's graffiti.

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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

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I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

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The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.

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You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.

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I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can.

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A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

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Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

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Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

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