I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. — Thomas A. Edison

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Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

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There was a young man of Herne Bay who was making some fireworks one day: but he dropped his cigar in the gunpowder jar. There was a young man of Herne Bay.

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You are responsible for your life. You can't keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on. - Oprah Winfrey

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Time is what prevents everything from happening at once. — John Archibald Wheeler

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A day without laughter is a day wasted. — Charlie Chaplin

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Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

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A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

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Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.

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Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

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